The grace of God

This week hosted a nice change of pace. The kids went to VBS in the morning for 3 hours. After taking them there I could go home then return to get them when it was over. In addition, Anne (the mom) asked me if I could put together a few side dishes for her on Monday. She called me and explained that it was her mom's birthday and they were having her over for dinner. Carter and I had a blast cooking and assembling a rice side dish, a zucchini bake and a vanilla cake. I LOVE to cook and was thrilled to get Carter involved in something that we both enjoyed. The family was excited about the food, the parents were glad to have a lot of the cooking done when they came home, and Anne asked if I would mind helping a little with dinner more often. I of course was really excited to continue to use her kitchen. The Johnson house has many kitchen luxuries that our house does not have and I love using them! I know this might sound lame but a dishwasher, huge counter space, cutco knives and a kitchenaid mixer are a big deal to me. Our kitchen at home is very tiny so it feels like cooking takes more effort (I am always trying to find space and keep the dished washed and out of the way). I really don't want this entire blog to be about cooking because so much has transpired.
When I spend a day with these kids I am often exhausted and easily irritated. I wonder how much of their child foolishness just gets on my nerves after they did something that was very wrong. Sometimes I feel like I yell at them a lot. I honestly do not like getting upset like I do at them. You might be surprised that cooking for the family has helped me in many ways. Last week it got to the point where I was just trying to survive each day. I didn't enjoy my job and I didn't like the kids very much. God started to convict me, if I could not show them love and kindness, only expect them to obey how could I expect them to be kind and loving to each other. The more I yelled at them for fighting, not listening and disobeying the more they seemed to do it. One day I came home crying and exhausted, I knew I had to change my approach.
First I really started praying that God would give me love for the children. I knew I needed patience to be able to deal with their antics and instead of being a hard hammer I needed to show them grace. And it worked! This week has been totally different than last week. I started showing more interest in them as individuals and I started enjoying them for who they were. I think one of my problems has been that I want to be in control of the things that are going on around me. If someone was acting up they needed to stop, now I channel their energy into another way or area. I have not had to put the kids in time out hardly at all this week. Now don't get me wrong they still do all the crazy things they have always done! But now I find myself laughing -they can be hilarious!
I have seen clearer than ever what it means to have law bring a greater desire for sinfulness. I am thankful for these children because they are revealing sinfulness in my life. I am pushed to examine myself before God daily and before I spent my day with them. I find that I cannot get through a day without making sure my focus is on God as my strength.
Now back to the kitchen...it is good to have the kids help me because I delegate, supervise and think about how I say something so that my directions are clear and understandable. "Don't touch that" is not as effective as, " the stove is on and if you touch it you will burn yourself." I might need to do a little more clean up on the counters (the floor, and the kids themselves) but we often have a great time together. They now take turns pouring, stirring and even washing, and funny thing is that this behavior is translating into other areas too! I also feel more relaxed and have fun myself. The grace of God abounds.
If one day God blesses me with children I hope that I will always remember these valuable lessons that I am learning this summer.